What are they laughing at?

Well hello, again my reader. So I was having a hilarious conversation over IM with a few of my varsity group mates recently and I started to wonder: Do people really find me funny or do they think I'm just a little insane? You might be wondering why I would ask myself this about the people I know right. Well, it’s because I've only recently just met this group of people and they seem to find everything I say hilarious; not very much, unlike my long time friends who also seem to think I have a funny bone in me. At least one of my friends agrees that insanity may play a role in all this, I mean who doesn't love having a chuckle at the village idiot now and again. Now I wouldn't be too self-conscious about it if I didn't feel that sometimes the stuff I say really doesn't deserve even a giggle, let alone a hearty laugh.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive. It’s just that I don’t want to one day find myself as a comedian on stage with strangers looking at me with searching eyes and puzzled looks on their faces because I happened to believe all this hype around me when it was never really true. I guess the only thing that grounds me at the moment is my interactions with my sister. Talking to her makes me remember that I'm one sarcastic individual, and as sarcasm goes, it really isn't for everyone. I always say I could beat the best of the sarcastic bastards out there in a war of the words; of course, this would only ever happen if this battle happened over the phone or over some sort of IM. I'm the sharpest tool in the shed when left alone with people I'm used to but put me up next to a stranger and you will see me crumble under the weight of my social anxieties. I guess that’s another thing that puts me in a fizz about this funny girl thing. I have these crazy social anxiety things that I have to deal with and it’s not made any easier when people think I'm too hilarious. I guess it’s worked in my favour so far. Most new people I have met have remained my friends for many years after. I always assume all those that didn't stick around somehow managed to see through all my bulldust. Good on them I guess. Brilliant judges of character they are. Who wants to be friends with a semi hilarious bowl of nerves anyway right?

Well, I would hope at least someone. How else will others like me ever get friends by being themselves? Anyway, I guess that’s a question for another day. In the meantime, I’ll be trying to find the true source of all this laughter. Are they laughing at me, with me, or at me with them? Very tough questions I know, but they must be asked.

Another one of those random online thought bubbles. Cheers.


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